Interview with a Survivor: Part 1
Recently we had the chance to sit down with one of our new graduates of the AWO Program and discuss her life and the circumstances and vulnerabilities that led to her drug addiction and subsequent trafficking. All the names and locations have been removed for the safety and privacy of those involved in these tragic circumstances.
Trigger Warning: Very little has been censored from this story in an attempt to give an honest account of very real circumstances. With that being said, this interview contains graphic language and content that could be disturbing and triggering to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
What was your childhood like?
My childhood… I basically got abandoned by my parents when I was a couple weeks old. My mom was a big meth addict. As soon as my mom got pregnant with me, my dad left her, so my grandparents raised me until I started using drugs really bad. My father died when I was 12, and shortly after that was when I started using meth myself. I went to see him one time. He lived here in Memphis, and I knocked on the door. He basically slammed the door in my face, and the next thing I ever heard about him was on the day he died.
Did you move around a lot as a kid?
I lived in R until 2, then moved to M and lived there 2-3 years, then moved to A and lived there until I was 13. Then I moved back to R. I started chasing a boy up there and got caught up in some crap and doing drugs. My Grandma moved up there after I started going up there a lot.
Walk me through the cycle of your addiction.
First I started drinking when I was 12. Then I started smoking weed. Then I went straight to meth at 13. I started doing meth, and that led to heroin, cocaine, Xanax, everything. I started smoking meth when I was 13 and then I snorted it. I Started shooting it. I don’t want to say what else I did with it, but as soon as I got on the needle I knew that there was no coming back from that. That is a totally different high than all the other ways you can do it. I turned into a whole different person.
Describe that.
I don’t know how. I was robbing my family. I was into guns and violence. I had an AK-47 [...] I turned into a very violent thief.
How old were you?
When I started getting into the guns, I was 18. I just kind of played around with drugs until I got with [ex-boyfriend]. I got addicted to it, because with him it was an everyday thing. He abused me the whole time we were together, and I believe that relationship led me to prostitution. I was with him from 14, and on and off for about 4 years.
One day I was like, if I’m going to go through this, I’m going to get paid to do it.
You said you were with him, and that relationship led you into prostitution. Can you talk about that a little more?
The way he abused me and made me feel, led me to feel like I wasn’t worth anything, and the way he had sex with me. I felt like opened a can of crazy in my mind; like very abusive sex. One day I was like, if I’m going to go through this, I’m going to get paid to do it.
That led into you being mentally open to being prostituted, but what were the steps that led into it?
What were the steps? Of course when you’re getting high you don’t want to be around anyone you love. You want to hide your face from them. You’re just shameful, so I think I was 15. I had left my Grandma’s house, and, other than selling drugs, I did not have a way to keep up my addiction. At this point I was so mentally and physically abused that I was going to have sex for money. After prostituting for about a year, I had a friend that was like, “I have this guy that you can work with, and it will make you both some money. He will take care of you. That’s what led me to being trafficked.
My first trafficker got me hooked up with his 80 year old uncle. [emotional pause] He made me get him high, and do a bunch of stuff with him that is just so disgusting. And just odd! Just weird! So after having that encounter, I didn’t give a d***n who I had to sleep with. I didn’t care. I was just like, this is as worse as it can get. So it just got worse and worse! It was so disgusting… So that kind of stripped me of caring about myself.
You lost your self-worth, and thought that you didn’t deserve any better than that?
Yeah. Then of course the man I got arrested with before I came here, was my last pimp.
I was so young, and all these men were taking advantage of me. They all knew each other, they were all friends. I felt like they had this conspiracy plan against me to have sex with me, make me have sex with their friends, and then kill me!
Talk to me about that mental and emotional state that you were in in the midst of that.
Rewind back to right after my first pimp. This man was a devil worshiper and would keep me up all night long. We were on drugs. He was teaching me about what he believed in, and this man… I literally viewed him as the devil, because he did some awful awful things to me, and tried to kill me with an ax, with a chainsaw...He didn’t sell me. Held me hostage in his house all for himself...He didn’t want me leaving that house. He kept me from leaving that house. He had a big dog that would try to bite me if I tried to walk out. This man had a mark on his hand, and he tried to brainwash me, because I really thought he was the devil.
Then his cousin talked him into letting me go do something. He talked him into letting me go sell some dope, or something one day. So I got in the car with him, but these men are cousins, and [name removed] was twice as bad as the other. He would make me have sex with his friends, and he would keep all the money. I lived in his house, and did it all in his house. It was the same thing. He held me hostage, wouldn’t let me go anywhere, stayed in his room. He would not let me clothe myself. I had to stay naked all the time. When he had sex with me himself, he would hold a gun in my mouth and it was just “daddy” this, “daddy” that, “Thank you for taking care of me. It means so much to you doesn’t it”... Whatever! So this man tried to kill me. He shot at me.
I finally got away from this dude, and got with the one that I was with when I got arrested. [Emotional Pause]
So I was caught up with people in D. I was with this guy who was selling dope to this one guy, and he was selling dope to this guy. I was with these guys. At first it was one, but I’ve got to be honest… I was so intoxicated with meth and heroin that I cannot remember anything other than what tragically happened in my life, and I found out that I was a part of this thing. I was so young, and all these men were taking advantage of me. They all knew each other, they were all friends. I felt like they had this conspiracy plan against me to have sex with me, make me have sex with their friends, and then kill me! All three of these guys did the same kind of thing to me, but in different ways. It started out over here, and it was awful, but it wasn’t that bad. Then it went to his next friend and it got a little bit worse. Then I went to the other one, and I’m telling you he was this far from shooting me in the head [holds hands up a foot apart]. Then you’re so high you can’t fully comprehend what's really happening! You think you left the old dude, and he came over to the house, so you left with him. You thought it was your idea, but it was theirs! [Emotional Pause]
They were just…
How old were they?
38, 40, and 48!
So they were a lot older than you. You were how old?
18!
The whole time you were with them, or were you ever younger than that?
17 and then 18. [Emotional Pause].
So you were describing this kind of chaos of your mind when you were trapped in this kind of cult situation, and they were manipulating you into thinking all of these things, and into believing all of these crazy things. Making you think it was all your idea. It was just this chaos of your mind, right? Did you ever come to a rock bottom moment? Was that when you went to jail, or was that right before getting arrested?
The last man… That was my rock bottom. He would force me to have sex with people who came over to his house so he could get money and buy more dope. Then when I did it, he would beat me and call me a whore, and a slut, and b***h. And he was the one that was forcing me to do that, so he was really messing with my mind. Then before he shot at me that last time. Before I got away. He lived in a single-wide trailer. I was naked. I didn’t have any clothes on, because he didn’t want me clothed in his house. He pulled my hair down the front of the [emotional pause]. He pulled me down the stairs in the front of the trailer, threw me, and I just remember sitting there. I didn’t have any clothes on. I didn’t have anything but myself, and I was walking down a road. I didn’t have anything! Nothing! Beat up, and here he comes chasing me in his car to pick me up. Telling me, “B***h if you don’t get in this car, I’m gonna kill you and I mean it!”. I was stuck in this crazy… I’m going to make you do that, but “b****h if you do that, I’m gonna kill you!” How do you think that messes with my mind? [Emotional Pause] I can’t explain to you how that made me feel. [Emotional Pause].
Are you okay sharing this? Are you okay with people knowing?
Yeah, because it's my heart to help young people, and people like these men… They will manipulate young girls! Making them slaves, and making them crazy! Not being able to think straight. I want people to know! The great thing is, I’m grateful that it's hard for me to sit here and talk to you about this because I had forgotten about it. God has healed my mind. I can think clearly! I’m able to go to college. I was able to get my GED. Those people out there make you feel crazy. When you’re so young, your mind isn’t fully developed. You don’t know what is going on. Then, you’re trained to think it's normal.