Interview with a Survivor Part 2: Redemption
Last week continued. Jesus the Great Redeemer!
Her story isn’t over… It’s only the beginning
Talk to me about your redemption!
Whoo! Thank you! When I got arrested in March of 2019 I slept for about a week coming off of the drugs. I remember waking up on a Sunday, and they were yelling for church. I would go to the door, and say “Don’t knock on this door and talk about no church! I do not want to go! Who is Jesus? He is not alive!” I’m telling you, I thought I was an alien at the time. About a month before I got sent here for rehab. I didn’t know what I was coming to in this program. I thought it was going to be an institutional type setting like all the other ones I went to as a juvenile.
I looked at who was praying, and I was like, “You just changed my life!”
I got here, I walked in, and they said, “We’ve been praying for you!”. I was like, “You don’t even know me. Why are you praying for me? What are you praying about?” My first Bible study here. I was sitting over here on the floor in this room. I wouldn’t look at anybody. I had my hat. I had my knees to my chest. Just so shut off to the world. So beaten and torn down. Just feeling like a piece of dirt. You hear all these people praying. Sounding really genuine. I came to class the next day. We were in Anger Management. [another client] was going through a really tough time, and they just stopped class and started praying. Everything that was being prayed was what I was feeling inside. Me not knowing anything about God. I looked at who was praying, and I was like, “You just changed my life!” I learned that was the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart through prayer, and I prayed with [the teacher]. After that, right after I prayed, I felt like I could open up. I could talk. I felt lighter. Like, literally physically lighter. I just kept on blossoming after that. Really putting the work in my classes to be able to heal. Really trying to be genuine with the Lord. Being intentional about praying to Him. Then all the hard work of trying to commit my ways to God’s, it got easier because He started changing my desires.
Coming to the end of your two years in the program, what are the things that have stood out to you?
One of the main things is, you develop a sense of trust around people who genuinely care and want to see your life changed. They are really committed to helping you learn the word of God. I’ve never even tried to put my trust in people. Whatever they are saying, or believing in. Asking them what to do, and then when you do it, they don’t make you feel crazy. My sense of self-worth has changed in increments. I feel like I would feel better about myself, and then go back. Then feel better about myself a little more, and it just grows. Now I do not look at myself like an object anymore. I do not look at myself like a way to make money. I finally can view myself as a normal human being, and I am worthy to have what “normal people” have. Like, I’m worthy to get married, to have a child one day, and that is just something that God has to work with you on. It's using you all to just speak to us when we don’t feel like we’re worth anything. It's just a gradual process. I’m not all the way there yet, but I’ve grown a lot in that area.
My desire for my education has grown. I’ve always hated school. In and out of school. Selling drugs at school. Part of the program is if the girls don’t have a diploma or a GED, they will help us earn that. I remember the first day I got here, I was in the car with Ms. Carol. We were driving by U of M, and I said, “Ms. Carol, I want to go there one day.”, and here I am! Almost a Sophomore in college, and hopefully in a little over a year I can go to U of M and fulfill that dream. Being abandoned as a child, having a drug problem, and going through abuse. I would always have social workers in and out of my home trying to help me. Trying to place me in all of these different kinds of programs for youth. Trying to help me with my addiction and stuff. I would just get mad and cuss them out. Like, “These people don’t know what I’ve been through! How can these people help me?” So, my Grandma reminded me a little over a year ago, right after I got my GED, what I wanted to do! That is to help youth! To let them know that they are seen, they are heard, and that someone has been there before. Someone to tell them how they made it. Just a testimony.
Knowing that when I’m weak He is strong, and when I’m tired He will carry me. It’s just how intentional He is in the details of our lives. He is just what I need for me. He is just what you need for you. It just blows my mind when he shows up!
My whole view on life has changed! As I’ve been working and going to school, and trying to live a normal life. I don’t know, it's just that everything has changed. Having your own money, and spending it on stuff that you always wanted. Like a new pair of shoes. Not just spending it on drugs, or having to give it straight to your pimp. It's yours, and you can save it. Having money in the bank is a good feeling. It is!
What is one thing you want the readers to know? Anything you want to say to them?
I would say, don’t be the first to judge the person who is on the corner with the needle hanging out of their arm, or on the corner waiting for a pimp or client to pick them up. Do not be the first to judge this person, because this person did not wake up and say, “oh, I’m gonna go do drugs for the rest of my life. That's gonna be my career.” This person is running from some traumatic pain that has happened to them. They are trying to escape reality. They are trying to cope with it the best that they can. That is my experience with drugs. The abandonment and abuse in my life led me to that. The person has been through stuff. That person is probably way stronger than some normal person. That's what I want to say.
You described yourself in jail being invited to church, and you said “Who’s Jesus? He's dead. I don’t know this guy!” Who is Jesus to you now?
Whoo! Jesus is my daddy! Jesus is my father that I’ve never had! He is my friend. He is my counselor. He is my shield. He is my hiding place. I guess you would get the impression from what I’ve shared that I struggled with abandonment issues. Now knowing that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me, and that I’m never alone. Knowing that when I’m weak He is strong, and when I’m tired He will carry me. It’s just how intentional He is in the details of our lives. He is just what I need for me. He is just what you need for you. It just blows my mind when he shows up! Like when I needed a computer for school, I prayed about it and worked extra hours for it! The next thing I know, a volunteer just gives me a laptop! He provides! If something is His will for your life, He is going to provide it! Jesus is the only way someone’s life will change. I believe that with my whole heart. I’ve been to a lot of juvenile programs. It was just the 12 steps, and then relapse. I’m talking about a week after I’m out, relapse. Relapse, relapse, and on and on and on! Going through that, I believe with my whole heart that nobody can change permanently, and completely be made whole again without God. I’ve seen my mom go through it. I’m seeing my brother go through it. I’ve seen a bunch of people out there go through it, and where are they? Prison… And they are 60, 70 years old. Prison! So yeah, that's who Jesus is.
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with addiction and/or exploitation there is help for you! You are not alone! Here are some resources:
Call the Tennessee Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-855-55-TNHTH.
National Human Trafficking Hotline: Call 1-888-373-7888 ( TTY: 711) | *Text 233733
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
AWO Office: 901-452-7884
Free Alcohol, Drug and other Rehab resources in Memphis, TN here